Matthews really starting to bug me. He hasn’t called at all today and lately it feels like he is getting sorta distant. It sucks because i am so lonely now. Yeah i have my mom and brother but it’s different. We should be together with Alexis but instead im taking care of her all by myself and its really starting to get to me. Don’t get me wrong i love everything about motherhood and i love every damn poopy diaper and late night feedings but i just wish he was here to share her fart smiles and talk to her and cuddle with us. I’m so scared she won’t know who he is by the time he moves us down there. I’m scared we won’t see him till she’s a month old and i hate that. He left to go home the day we left the hospital, he didn’t even come home with us.. I feel like it was so easy for him to leave us and it really fucking upsets me. He hasn’t even talked about maybe coming up to visit her, he hasn’t even told me he misses her yet, i usually always say ” we miss you” and then he will say he misses us too. It’s so hard because she looks so much like him and I miss him so fucking much. I just want to be sharing all these new things with him but instead our daughter is a week old tomorrow and i’m still alone.